Monday, June 22, 2009

Possible Multiple Sclerosis?


Possible Multiple Sclerosis? (Numb) It was like a right hook out of nowhere. One of the cruelest things a doctor can do is to send a letter of referral with a possible diagnosis. Especially, when your doctor tells you nothing days before at the doctor’s visit, he was not a neurologist; he was a practical doctor I went to about numbness in my arms and fingers. I remember that moment I opened that letter from my doctor, and read those words. It was August of 2000. Not only my day, but my world was ROCKED! Standing in my bedroom lost. At that time my kids were ages 11,7,6,4 and 2. What the HELL! “Whats” started hitting me in a whirlwind effect. What is MS? Do I know anybody with this? Then came the “How’s”. How will I do my job, it requires me outside year around, lifting and carrying things on a construction site. I was a single mother of five daughters, making $8.50 and hour, no child support from ex-husband, that’s another chapter in itself. How did I get this? Where do I go from here? Why would this doctor drop this BOMB on me like this? I tell you, I wanted to go and kick his ass! I just laid down in bed and cried. For about a week, I stay cooped up in my bedroom with the black shades down and away from everyone and everything. Finally, I reached a point where I needed information on ms, so I went to the public library to check out books and try to educate myself about myself. The next phase was “I am not going to claim it” I don’t have time for this bullshit, I five kids to raise”. Therefore, I went in the out of mind out of sight mode because at that time I wasn’t in an exacerbation mode.

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